U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
