i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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