I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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