I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
