Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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