I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Someone shit on the floor
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let's get the cat blown out
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
