the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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