He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You have to summon your inner elephant
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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