you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize