you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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