How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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