so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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