Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
