You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize