I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
