I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
