so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
