I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
