I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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