Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
