1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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