You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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