Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
