Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
