those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
