He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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