you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize