It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
