well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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