Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
