she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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