got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
