He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
