I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
