Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
