repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize