Having a random hookup so left but love u
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
