The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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