i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
