It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
