dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
