Non-Jews are for practice
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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