I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm too high and old for this...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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