How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
