I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
