I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
