If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
