U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
