She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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