lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
