somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize