I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize