genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
