I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize