i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
