barbara walters just said penis...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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