He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
