So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
