Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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