I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
