I have demons in me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
