why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
