If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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