Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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