I hate your face
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
